Haven’t the slightest idea what we’re talking about? Understanding the following terms might help:
Part of speech: proper noun. Definition: The nickname of Al Luginbill, a horrible failure of a coach who was fired in 1993 for his terrible record of 31-25-3. Wait, what? Use: If Rocky Long compiles the same record as Al Losingstill, he will probably get a statue in the Qualcomm Stadium parking lot.
Part of speech: proper noun. Definition: Traitorous former Aztecs head coach Brady Hoke, who split for the Michigan job after posting one winning season. Use: After Bluto Iscariot beat both Utah State and New Mexico State in the same season, the Wolverines were sure they had their man.
California State University, Fresno (CSUF)
Part of speech: proper noun. Definition: The official name of a public university in Fresno, Calif. Use: I’m sorry, but FSU stands for Florida State University. I believe you are referring to CSUF.
Part of speech: proper noun. Definition: Tennessee fans, whose bigoted ignorance was on display during the Aztecs-Vols NCAA Tournament matchup. Use: I used to feel bad about the way Lane Kiffin screwed the Vols, until I remembered those fucking Crackers.
Part of speech: proper noun. Definition: A cheeky nickname for San Diego State, referencing former Aztec great Marshall Faulk. Use: I have no idea why SDSU won’t sell Faulk U merchandise.
Part of speech: verb. Definition: Imperceptible progress, as measured by former head coach Chuck Long. Use: The fact that only three of our players were taken off on stretchers against TCU is a sign that our guys are really growing.
Part of speech: proper noun. Definition: The nickname of majestically-coiffed Mountain West Conference commissioner Craig Thompson. Use: Hair really looks like the kind of guy who eats a lot of CornNuts.
Part of speech: verb. Definition: To eat in a gluttonous fashion. Use: I was so depressed after that loss to Idaho that I hoked an entire Woodstock’s pizza and order of carne asada fries.
Part of speech: verb. Definition: To slap someone in the face without provocation. Use: Most people are not aware that Alexander Hamilton instigated his deadly duel by kracalicking Aaron Burr with his riding glove.
Part of speech: Proper noun. Definition: San Diego State’s dinky cross-town rival, the University of San Diego. Use: Our Little Sister seems to have a bit of a gambling problem.
Part of speech: noun. Definition: A close loss to an opponent from a Bowl Championship Series conference that is supposed to make Aztecs fans feel optimistic about their crappy nonconference record. Use: I was really down about our second straight loss to Cal Poly, but after that moral victory against Notre Dame I don’t think there’s any way New Mexico will beat us by more than 64 points.
Part of speech: noun. Definition: When we’re going to be so good. Use: With Lorrenzo Wade, Kyle Spain, and a second season of Jerome Habel, our basketball team is going to be so good next year.
Part of speech: verb. Definition: To beat an opponent without actually winning, as coined by former head coach Tom Craft. Use: We may have lost by three touchdowns, but we out-statted UCLA. Therefore I should not be fired.
Part of speech: proper noun. Definition: SDSU equipment room employees under former athletic director Rick Bay. Use: Do you think those Party Animals could score me some tickets to the Incubus concert at the Sports Arena?
Part of speech: noun. Definition: A formidable football team that regularly defeats the Aztecs, such as Idaho or
Cal Poly. Use: Playing those powerhouse Vandals in the Kibbie Dome is no easy task.
San Diego Stinking State
Part of speech: proper noun. Definition: A team that made Cal quarterback Dave Barr its bitch. Use: Since World War II, Cal has won the same number of Rose Bowls as San Diego Stinking State.
Part of Speech: proper noun. Definition: Myopic fans of Boise State who resemble Zoobs (See: Zoobs). Use: Criticizing blue turf is a fun way to make a Tater Zoob’s head explode.
Part of speech: proper noun. Definition: A group of alcoholic, foul-mouthed “students” in costume that inhabits Viejas Arena. Use: I thought The Show kind of crossed the line with that depiction of Jimmer Fredette in a Tijuana donkey show.
Part of speech: adjective. Definition: Completely apeshit nuts, like former Aztecs offensive lineman Kyle Turley. Use: Did you see that clip of Tom Cruise going all Turley in that Oprah interview?
Part of speech: noun. Definition: A projectile traditionally heaved by fans of CSUF. Use: Bro, you’d better only pack 10 bottles of Steel Reserve; we need hella room in the cooler for all these urine bombs.
Part of speech: proper noun. Definition: Nickname for UNLV’s Thomas & Mack Center, where the Aztecs have won 267-straight basketball games. Use: The best thing about going to a game at Viejas East is that I can finally drink on the street without a paper bag.
Win the second half
Part of speech: expression. Definition: A major accomplishment, as coined by former head coach Tom Craft. Use: I told the guys to go out and win the second half against New Mexico, and they did. Therefore I should not be fired.
- You play to win the game
Part of speech: expression. Definition: A famous maxim coined by Craft’s former Aztecs teammate, Herm Edwards. Use: What’s this second half shit, Tom? Hello? You play. To win. The game.
Part of speech: proper noun (archaic). Definition: Myopic fans of BYU. Use: Man am I glad the Zoobs are gone.
Part of speech: proper noun. Definition: A feline furry that makes older alumni foam at the mouth with rage for no apparent reason. Use: MONTY IS R TRUE MASCOT NOT TEH CAT …. TAR AND FETHUR ZUMA OMG!!!1!1
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