Good afternoon, SDSU Chargers fans. You’ve been through a lot in the past few years, and I don’t just mean the Smith-Spanos reign of terror. You’ve had to stomach Kirk Morrison and Chaz Schilens in silver and black. Former Aztec Herm Edwards beat you guys in the playoffs, too. Shit, Zuma is probably lobbying for the LA Stadium project as we speak.

Now this: Ronnie Hillman is a Denver Bronco.

Picture yourself on a boat on a river your couch this November. Both the Bolts and the Broncs enter a crucial game at Invesco Field sitting at 6-3. The Broncos won the season’s first matchup and a win today would give them a stranglehold on the AFC West.

It’s the fourth quarter, and the Chargers lead by four — presumably because someone finally got wise and disconnected Norv Turner’s headset. But Denver is driving and gets the ball into the red zone inside of a minute.

The game is so tense that you haven’t moved from your seat since halftime, even though you’ve had to take a dump for almost an hour. You tried to cut some wind to relieve pressure, but the results were regrettable. Yet you just sit in your own filth, too transfixed to worry about hygeine or the judgements of those around you.

On a huge fourth and 1, Peyton Manning executes an unbelieveable play action fake, then turns to see his running back streaking for the end zone, wide open. Wait, you’ve seen this play before, haven’t you?

OHH SHIT. It’s Ronnie Hillman. One of the baddest rookie rushers IN DA LEAGUE.

So what do you hope for now?

…

OK, enough trolling.

It’s really hard to imagine a better outcome for Hillman. He’s a third rounder, meaning he’s going to make more money this season than I will in my next 15 years of office drudgery. He’s going to Denver to back up a running back (Willis McGahee) who will turn 30 this season. When he does play, he’ll be attacking defenses a tad more more concerned with getting carved up by a Hall of Fame quarterback.

Oh yeah, and his coach is an Aztec. Good times all around — unless you’re a Bolts fan, anyway.

Speaking of revolting developments for SDSU Chargers fans, linebacker Miles Burris is a Raider. He went higher than most people expected (fourth round), meaning he’s likely to make their roster. After witnessing his motor and nose for the ball for the past four years, I’d put money on him earning some substantial playing time quickly.

The only bummer from the 2012 Draft was seeing Ryan Lindley drop all the way to the Cardinals in the sixth round. Here’s hoping working with pro wide receivers (DeMarco!!) who don’t smear bacon grease on their hands before each game will help him get his groove back.

Best of luck to all three. Well … unless Ryan beats my Niners, that is. If he does, I’ll disown him.