In the past decade, we’ve witnessed some nearly great moments at some storied venues across the country. The Aztecs have lost by two scores or fewer at the Big House and the Horse Shoe. They’ve had near misses in the shadow of Touchdown Jesus and as a sideshow to Jump Around.
Moral victories, people! They’re like real victories, but less showy and rude.
So as Mickey Mouse as the SDSU fan base can be sometimes, our standards for what makes for a quality road trip are actually pretty high. The fact that the Aztecs will be visiting Oregon State and Arizona State in the next few years? Excuse me while I make the “whack off” gesture to no one in particular. Weak sauce, man.
Still, there are a few roadies left that could generate some excitement. My top 10 (limited to locations SDSU has not played in the 2000s):
Pros: Nestled on the shores of the Puget Sound, Seattle is one of America’s most beautiful cities. If you are into live music, enjoying the outdoors, or operating a giant puppet of a capitalist oppressor in a WTO protest, this is the place for you.
Cons: Weather. Also, you might not be into any of those things.
Likelihood: Um, have a peek at the 2012 schedule.
Pros: What better place to snag that elusive Big Ten road win than to visit the league’s least-imposing venue? Plus, Wrigley Field, deep dish, and Italian beef are a
slow and smelly quick and easy el ride away.
Cons: Those accents, man.
Likelihood: The Wildcats usually schedule their fellow smartypants schools in OOC like Vanderbilt, Duke and Rice. Their fans probably don’t want their mimosa-sipping tailgates crashed by state school rabble slamming Four Lokos. They probably get enough of that in Big Ten play.
Pros: It’s an easy roadie, provided your car doesn’t get stolen while you’re up there. Plus, how great would it be to beat USC? I mean seriously. If the Aztecs beat the Trojans, I’d advocate for dropping the football program immediately so we could end on a high note a la George Costanza.
Cons: In addition to being the likely outcome, losing to those pricks would insufferable.
Likelihood: With the Aztecs moving to a BCS-ish conference, I doubt SC wants to give the Aztecs any free publicity.
7. UT San Antonio
Pros: No, seriously! From everything I’ve heard, San Antonio is a pretty cool town. There’s the Riverwalk, The Alamo, and a chance to watch the Aztecs win in a romp (probably?). Plus, we can all crash on Kawhi’s couch for the weekend.
Cons: Beware games in domes. Illegal stemming calls lurk behind every corner.
Likelihood: Could happen. UTSA is new to the FBS level. If you offer them a home-and-home are they really going to say no?
Pros: Much like the Northwestern game, playing Vandy would be a shot at beating a power-conference team on the cheap. Plus, Nashville would be an amazing place to check out some live country music.
Cons: Most country music. Also, Austyn Carta Samuels still gives me nightmares.
Likelihood: This would be an insanely random OOC matchup. Then again, the Aztecs did play a game in Japan once, so what the hell right?
Pros: A lot of people around here have long memories about the Dave Barr “San Diego Stinkin State” thing, so beating those guys again would be fun. Plus it’s a driveable trip with lots of touristy stuff around. Also I can go visit my nephew, which is definitely something you care about.
Cons: Probability is high you will either be trampled during a clash between protesters and police and/or fall into a gaping hole when the Hayward Fault finally splits Memorial Stadium in half.
Likelihood: The Bears play Nevada and Southern Utah this year. Surely they could squeeze in another stinker.
4. Boston College
Pros: Boston is a great city with tons to do. You can take the Freedom Trail, catch a game at Fenway, or reenact scenes from Good Will Hunting (be sure to bring your Little League glove!). Also, do you know Game of Thrones star Peter Dinklage attended BC? Oh wait, I’m thinking of someone else.
Cons: Again, those accents, man.
Likelihood: We have a better chance of playing them than UConn does.
Pros: Yes, they probably are are. But seriously, folks … It would be great to play a storied SEC program (and fan base) without having to step foot in the states of Mississippi or Alabama. Stay in New Orleans just down the road and find someone to drive your drunk ass north on game day where you will … um … drink more. Abita is quite yummy, by the way.
Cons: Other than getting your ass stomped by 40, you mean?
Likelihood: Are we FCS? Are we in the Sun Belt? Not a chance in hell.
Pros: The rekindling of a great rivalry. Perhaps The Rock and Monty could have some sort of summit at halftime? Plus, if TV and movies have taught me anything about Miami, we’ll all be partying with half naked women atop mountains of cocaine.
Cons: It’s 50/50 that half-naked woman is actually a dude.
Likelihood: Like I said, it’s happened before.
Pros: Do you like art and live music in a diverse and eclectic city? Or do you prefer paying some yokel $20 so you can fire an AK47 at some haystack targets? It just so happens there’s a place where both of these things are possible! And other than the mushroom stamping on the field, the gameday experience would be incredible.
Cons: It’s Texas so watch your ass. I’m pretty sure most misdemeanor offenses are punishable by electric chair. Plus, Shiner Bock is way overrated.
Likelihood: Make it happen, Adam Hall. We’re all counting on you.