A primer containing everything you need to know for tonight’s SDSU football game:
Opponent: Air Force Falcons
Kickoff: 5 p.m.
All-time series: Air Force leads 19-10 (also my halftime prediction)
Last meeting: Aztecs won 25-23 in 2010.
Why SDSU could win: Notre Dame scored about a million points against the Falcons last week, leading me to suspect that the Air Force defense may not be the reincarnation of the 1985 Bears. The Falcons haven’t held a team under 20 this year and they haven’t held an FBS opponent under 34. Who knew Bob Elliott was now coaching the Air Force defense?
Why Air Force should win: Uhh … have you been paying attention for the past three weeks? What exactly gives you confidence that the Aztecs will sack up and win as a road dog?
Matchup to watch: Ryan Lindley vs. himself. Opposing quarterbacks have toasted the Falcons secondary for 11 touchdowns and are completing 62 percent of their passes. This would be an optimal week for Lindley to shed his newfound suck and lead some sustained drives. You know, give a breather to a defense that is facing the triple-freaking-option at altitude. Or not. Either way.
Reason you should hate the Falcons: I don’t fault TCU for ditching us for the Big XII. Or Utah for bolting to the Pac 12. It was hardly honorable, but it was hard to deny the appeal—like dumping a gawky high school sweetheart for Salma Hayek. But Air Force begging for an invite to the crumbling Big East? Bitch, please. I feel like we’re being dumped for some snaggle-tooth skank with a recreational meth habit. That’s just insulting.
Reason you should hate Air Force: I’m not one to hate on service academies, but location is fair game. Colorado Springs may be the most boring, whitebread “college town” in the MWC. Place makes Albuquerque feel like Vienna.
Most annoying alum (football division): Some former Zoomie I met in an Ann Arbor bar a few weeks ago.
I didn’t catch his name (I’d had a couple Stiegls) but the guy claimed to have played for Fisher DeBerry back in the late 90s. He seemed like an OK dude, but his boorish Michigan-fan wingman was an absolute toolbag. Guilt by association.
Most annoying alum (non-football division): Heroic pilot Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger.
Chesley Sullenberger was selected as the 2010 Tournament of Roses Parade’s Grand Marshal.
I knew it—just another BCS lackey! Why does Sully Sullenburger oppose a playoff? How much they paying you Chelsey??
If the Falcons were a fictional villain they would be: Brigadier General Jack D. Ripper from Dr. Strangelove.
He’s an Air Force officer whose insane delusions lead him to set off Armageddon. One key difference: Communist infiltration of our precious bodily fluids seems way more plausible than the Big East remaining a viable AQ conference.
Prediction: Air Force 33, Aztecs 21. I’m in a dark place right now.