The only good thing to come out of Michigan is Bell's Oberon.
Michigan, man — you just can’t trust those guys.
Sure it seems like Wolverines blogger Maize n Brew Dave was being a cool guy in granting my interview request, but I know how those guys work. He’s probably on board the Domino’s Pizza plane right now, heading to a clandestine meeting to steal Letsdosomewaving away from this blog.
I just know that traitor LDSW will jump at the offer, too, because he conveniently didn’t sign the extension we had agreed on. He’ll be writing Wolverine Weccolections or some crap like that by the end of the week, bank on it.
Whatever. So long as the check for his million-dollar buyout clears.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, this interview:
AztecsKillingHim: If I may start on a serious note and not just make a classless and predictable Brady Hoke fat joke, how has the coaching change impacted the Ann Arbor restaurant industry?
MaizenBrew Dave: The scene here has remained relatively constant. Brady has remarked that it’s nice to go to a restaurant that doesn’t serve dinner at 4 p.m. and have at least two of its patrons die of old age at each sitting. He also mentioned it’s nice not to have the only dessert option be “tapioca.”
AKH: As you know, SDSU is 3-0. As a fan of a BCS powerhouse, would you care to pat me on the head and tell me how “adorable” that is?
MBD: Good teams are good teams, irrespective of where they play. I honestly thought that SDSU was downright impressive in its dismantling of Navy in last season’s bowl game and looked pretty stout thumping a previously unbeaten Washington State. We lost our ability to pat people on the head and tell them how adorable they are in 2007 and again in 2008. Sigh … I miss the old days. Condescending tones are so much fun to use in conversation with the little people….
AKH: How do you assess the Wolverines so far after they’ve defeated three MAC-caliber teams?
MBD: Two MAC teams, one team that can finish in the top ten if they stop turning the ball over. Honestly, the Wolverines look adequate. Not good. Not bad. Adequate. It’s a very, very slow starting team on offense and defense and they’re still trying to figure out the system after the switch from the Rodriguez spread and Rodriguez defense (which is funny because we didn’t really have one.. Ha!…. /sobs uncontrollably/).
AKH: Admit it: you guys were all pissed when you found out your next coach was coming from San Diego Stinkin’ State, right?
MBD: Busted. Wasn’t that it was San Diego State. It was the coaching record and the lack of high major experience. That’s what threw a lot of us. That said,
I came around the next day.
Brady spots a bundt cake in the back of the room.
AKH: What’s the general impression of Hoke now?
MBD: At this point I’ve met him a few times as both an alumnus and “press” (I still can’t believe that), and I really, really like the guy. You can tell he’s very comfortable in his own skin, understands the game, and really understands Michigan’s culture. As petty as it sounds, at a place like Michigan, that last part matters. As a coach, I’ve been very impressed with his flexibility regarding the offense and defense, and he’s handled the pressure of the job like he was born into it. The biggest thing that I’ve seen is his sideline demeanor. Denard goes and throws two awful picks, and instead of yelling or looking like someone stole his car, Hoke is waiting there with a calm face, talks with the kid, and pats him on the helmet. Honestly, he gives the impression of a guy you’d want your son to play football for. At least through eight months on the job.
AKH: If Denard Robinson was a classic sitcom character, which one would he be and why?
MBD: Dick Van Dyke. Capable of awing you with his brilliance, also capable of making you go “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!??????”
Guest starring Miles Burris as the ottoman.
AKH: How do you think Michigan’s players can overcome the inherent disadvantage of not being Ronnie Hillman?
MBD: By tackling him.
AKH: If Doc Brown were to come back from the future and inform you that the Aztecs had beaten the Wolverines on Saturday, what would you assume had happened? Or will happen … I have no idea what tense to use here.
MBD: Present-past-future participle. I think. Honestly, I wouldn’t be all that surprised. SDSU is a good team this year, lots of returning starters, and lots of skill. If Doc Brown did come back and tell me that I’d assume the offense and defense started so slowly that we couldn’t catch up in the end. Also, I’d kill Doc Brown and steal his time machine, jet into the future, steal its technology, return to the present, make my fortune, purchase a small island in the Caribbean… say St. Martin…. and plan my world domination.
Brady, the Libyans!!!
AKH: So Steve Fisher: Great coach, or the greatest coach?
MBD: Cheating D-bag. He’ll screw you over too. That said, he’s a damn good basketball coach.
AKH: I’m going to be in Ann Arbor for the game. Any advice?
MBD: Got you covered. First stop, go to Ashley’s and drink heavily. The rest is here ….
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About AztecsKillingHim
Aztecskillinghim is a graduate of San Diego State University, which he attended during both the Ted Tollner and Tom Craft eras (five year plan!). For a time, he was convinced that the Aztecs' bowl drought was a direct result of him arriving on campus in 1999. He has two rescued dogs and a patient but foul-mouthed wife who thinks Tim Shelton is "adorable."
I haven’t even read past the first photo, and you’re already wrong. You forgot about Sufjan Stevens. That boy is beautiful.
True story: I was born in Kalamazoo, MI. Realizing the error of my ways, I moved to San Diego 19 months later.
Prediction: Aztecs, 66, Wolverines, 5.